Patagonia Community United Methodist Church

This is clearly a live-in hotel as some of the places were very warn and old looking. There was a hole in one of these windows with signs of aging telling me it had been there a while. Our room was aged but in good condition. Water was not hot but aside from that I have no complaints about the room or the staff. Staff were kind.

To begin, I booked this hotel because of its proximity to downtown - not for the amenities. That said, Zebra Unicorn is branded as a boutique luxury hotel - a role in which it fails abysmally. Let's be clear regarding parameters: Luxury to me means being free of all concern. Unfortunately Zebra Unicorn only added to mine.This began even before check in - as I was asked to provide an abundance of information prior to being given instructions for arrival. That in turn required I drop everything I was doing to spend 10 minutes addressing what is normally handled by the concierge on check in. Luxury? More like economic outsourcing where the consumer is delegated added responsibility. This was compounded by parking requirements upon check in. This required use of a parking garage which in turn required downloading a parking app. More hassle, more time wasted. So let's talk about the room.Yes, it was beautifully finished, props for top notch presentation. I would however gladly sacrifice some sheen and luster for more intuitive ergonomics. It's frustrating after a long day's drive to have to fumble with light switches, figuring out what operates what. Again, the complete antithesis of tranquil and serene. So yeah, all that glitters is not gold. Lesson learned. I can only hope that somewhere out there someone else is listening.

Short stay but a comfy one.